Indiana Jones' Homepage
<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-47423994-1', 'fortunecity.ws'); ga('send', 'pageview'); </script> <center> <br> <div> <script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://ad.broadcaststation.net/ads/show_ad.php?width=728&height=90"></script> </div> </center> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=168 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF" background="041a11c3.gif"> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="06079c80.jpg" border=0 width="121" height="200" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <B>Indiana Jones' Homepage</B></div> <div> <IMG SRC="040f4010.gif" border=0 width="500" height="1" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> Who says Gay.com can't make a difference? It can, believe in your life, your morals, your heart, and make a difference.....</div> <bR> <div> Well, this site has since updated on 6/20/01...Yep more info..</div> <bR> <div> God...how can I forgive myself...my past, my present or my future....a close friend to me once said the following in an email....I hope you pay attention, because this email is more gripping to heart now than anything I have ever faced before, But it is the truth... a chilling reminder to the heart. And to my closest friend here in gay.com, I hope this does not upset you, but I read this again today and it is SO true in this community that it must be said.....to you the author of this, my friend...I am sorry, but this letter is in all of us, you just so happen to have put it in words that they reach the heart, body and soul and for this I thank you...for your friendship, compassion, and understanding. This email is from one of my closest friends...hehehe....DAYTRIPPER....BUD I thank you!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE BEST!!! Hehehe... It reads:</div> <bR> <div> <B>AN ASSAULT: </B></div> <div> <B>On the Status Quo </B></div> <div> <B>Part 1 </B></div> <bR> <div> Here's another speech you wish I'd swallowed. Before I begin I would like to </div> <div> reiterate I speak freely from who I am and what I know. I in no way believe </div> <div> myself to be more right in my views than anyone else on the planet. I know my </div> <div> opinions and my thoughts and express them. I think that's all any of us can </div> <div> do at our best, is to be open with our own inner workings and share them with </div> <div> others. This is how understanding is accomplished. When there is no </div> <div> difference of opinion, the mind stagnates- change never comes about. I offer </div> <div> my experiences and urge you to please, take what you will and grow with it. </div> <div> If it makes you think or it makes you angry, let it tell you more about what </div> <div> you think and believe. We live in a time where people are more often than not </div> <div> lumped together with no differences. Sticking out it seems, has become </div> <div> something to fear. The flocking tendency of people has stifled radical </div> <div> thoughts, and innovative ideas from being born. No matter what else is taken </div> <div> from you, your mind will always be your own, so long as you let it free, and </div> <div> accept and examine every thought in your head. Life is too short to worry </div> <div> about things so much they hinder your growth as a person. Fear is a bird that </div> <div> believes itself into extinction- the mind, unbridled by self doubt is your </div> <div> most powerful asset. I have been though many personal lows and what's gotten </div> <div> me past it all is knowing that I would learn from it- I would take something </div> <div> from it that would make me stronger. Having to deal with the bad of course is </div> <div> a terrible thing- but perhaps those situations aren't placed in our lives as </div> <div> a means of holding us back. Maybe they're to plant the seed that would one </div> <div> day have us grow so strong, so tall, that every person who'd ever hurt us </div> <div> would look upon it in awe. The world keeps moving, it's just a matter of </div> <div> picking yourself up, dusting the dirt off, and getting back into it. The </div> <div> assault on the freedom of the mind for me comes in many different arenas. </div> <div> There be dragons, it seems, in every aspect of our world. The gay community </div> <div> as I've known it, in the clubs, is there for an express purpose: namely to </div> <div> distract themselves from their own lives, for whatever the reason. I stress; </div> <div> I am not passing judgement on it. If you can find happiness in something, go </div> <div> with it. All I am saying is that the clubs and that society hold nothing for </div> <div> me anymore. I see so much pain and disappointment. Everyone there, searching- </div> <div> for something to make them forget about what's bothering them. That's all </div> <div> well and good for a while, but there comes a time when there is no escaping </div> <div> your thoughts- and it hits like a physical force. Going out, and craving </div> <div> attention go hand in hand to me. Attention is something I have never been </div> <div> comfortable with or seeked out actively. I've never needed that pat on the </div> <div> back affirmation that I was good enough for someone else. I always was </div> <div> confidant in who I was. When did that change? I can't say for sure. What I do </div> <div> know is the life I immersed myself in, the choices I made, were not the best </div> <div> ones. People who didn't care, meaningless conversations with strangers, and </div> <div> the fake smiles with people I didn't like. It was like having to deal with 2 </div> <div> completely different worlds, and all for the reason that I felt something was </div> <div> wrong with me for not liking that world. What I've come to realize is that </div> <div> the constant worrying about meshing was more damaging than anything else. </div> <div> I've said in the past I didn't care what people thought. But what I now see </div> <div> is that I have ALWAYS cared what people thought. There's nothing wrong with </div> <div> that. We all care about that. What's wrong is letting it cut into your own </div> <div> mind. Change your behavior. Make you act in ways you don't want to. How many </div> <div> times have I heard people admitting that and not even realizing it? "I don't </div> <div> feel like going out tonight" Then why are you going? "Everyone else is" and </div> <div> "I don't want to drink tonight" So don't. "Well I don't want to be the only </div> <div> sober one" or else "I don't want to go to the gym today" well then quit </div> <div> complaining and don't. Fiona Apple once said (and received much flack for it) </div> <div> "This world is bullshit- go with yourself" and I think in that tiny statement </div> <div> is a world of truth. The world will always be there, with people in it who </div> <div> take pleasure in the pain they cause others. If you have yourself, you'll </div> <div> never come across something you can't handle. You'll have all the strength </div> <div> you need in excess. No matter the level of cruelty people place on you, you </div> <div> must seek to rise above it. Never give up the fight for your mental freedom. </div> <div> We live in a time where we are bombarded by mental terrorism, seeking to make </div> <div> us conform. You must struggle against it with all you have- I don't mean to </div> <div> make a point of sticking out- which I would say is just an extremely obvious </div> <div> attempt at non-conformity, which has paradoxically become a form of </div> <div> conformity. All I mean is stay true to yourself. Speak your mind- don't </div> <div> censor yourself. You might piss some people off, but if they cannot handle </div> <div> what someone has to say, they aren't going to be the people that you will </div> <div> ever learn anything from. So many just give up. They turn their thoughts off. </div> <div> They become cold- heartless- destructive. Perhaps this way is easier for a </div> <div> time, being the one to inflict the pain. But there must come a time when you </div> <div> have to face what you've done and ask yourself.. Do I have any regrets with </div> <div> how I've lived my life? I have done many things I am not proud of- but </div> <div> thankfully I can admit them and amend them here and now. You wait too long, </div> <div> you might end up out of time when you need penance the most. That is </div> <div> something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. To live with that sense of </div> <div> regret. </div> <div> To everyone I've ever wronged, I apologize. I'm no saint, but I do know </div> <div> where my heart is and the way I treat people. And I have no regrets about any </div> <div> of it. I have been driven to the brink of madness by having my trust </div> <div> violated. If I were as cruel and heartless as I have been accused, I wouldn't </div> <div> show any reaction at all. These attacks on my character would slide off my </div> <div> back like water from a duck. I would say it's a sad, truly pathetic thing the </div> <div> way people on this planet treat each other. So full of hate, jealousy, anger. </div> <div> For god's sake, people. Wake up. There is no joy in hate, nothing to gain </div> <div> from living a petty little life, embracing your own shallowness, choking on </div> <div> your own pathetic mediocrity. The fact that you have a lot of friends or make </div> <div> a lot of money mean nothing when you are just going through the motions of </div> <div> living. Take charge, make your life what you want it to be. I may not go out </div> <div> and engage in activities as much as everyone else. I don't like talking on </div> <div> the phone. I don't like going to the movies or out to dinner. I don't enjoy </div> <div> bars and clubs. And that's fine, for me. I am perfectly content to be with </div> <div> myself at home, and alone. It doesn't scare me. I have learned much about </div> <div> myself, and continue to. All I needed was to remove the distraction from my </div> <div> life. I have been searching almost 5 years for something to make me feel </div> <div> complete, and I never realized I already had all I needed, in my heart and </div> <div> mind and soul. So take the clubs, the movies, the restaurants. I'll see you </div> <div> there sometime. Only when I go, it will be because I want to, and not out of </div> <div> some twisted sense of duty. </div> <div> Smarten up- the world is full of people who wish to keep you down so that </div> <div> they can move up in this unspoken ranking system the gay community worships. </div> <div> I have yet to see any real friendships that have forged in my time in the </div> <div> community here. I have seen plenty of people stabbing their friends in the </div> <div> back and stepping on the still twitching body in order to get up a little </div> <div> further on this ridiculous ladder everyone is hell bent on climbing. And it </div> <div> disgusts me. What an overbearing sense of arrogance- and I pity it. What can </div> <div> you possibly be thinking? Do you think this makes you better than anyone </div> <div> else? Just because you're the least pathetic? Grace is the refinement of a </div> <div> soul through time and trials. A lot of you sold your souls for a Stairmaster </div> <div> or a new outfit. What do you think you get from all this meaningless </div> <div> distraction? Do you honestly believe you're happy? Take a look deep inside </div> <div> yourself. All I see when I look into the eyes of my peers is a sense of </div> <div> something missing. And a part of you weeps for that- and you're struggling to </div> <div> find it in all the wrong ways. You have to liberate your mind- and it's not </div> <div> easy. It almost drove me insane. But the prize I have no, to be free, to be </div> <div> happy regardless of the pointless shit the world has in store for me is worth </div> <div> it a hundred times over. I have come to a point of complete honesty with </div> <div> myself. I don't bury my emotions to myself anymore. I can face anything that </div> <div> floats into my head- and I've heard other people say, "I can do that." Highly </div> <div> unlikely in my opinion. American society is made for the weak- the weak are </div> <div> infinitely easier to control. You may think you know freedom, but until you </div> <div> can detach yourself from all the distractions in your life, you'll never come </div> <div> close. People are so defensive about the subject that they are frightened by </div> <div> anyone who speaks with confidence and assurance. They fear what they want and </div> <div> cannot have. I have taken an intense amount of criticism for what I think and </div> <div> feel. People want the truth and your opinion- so long as it coincides with </div> <div> THEIR ideas. Otherwise, they will beat you into submission so that they can </div> <div> stay in their comfort zone of thinking all they know is right and all you </div> <div> know is wrong. I have had my opinions changed MANY times from a real, honest, </div> <div> conversation with someone. They have shown me a way to look at the situation </div> <div> I wasn't aware of- and those are the moments I feel truly alive. When someone </div> <div> else can make a difference in your perception. Or you can just understand </div> <div> where they're coming from- that is a connection that can unite us, as people, </div> <div> as a country, as a planet. If only we could all give up with stubbornness and </div> <div> fear of sticking out. I am at a point where I have no problems giving up on </div> <div> people whom I cannot find any connection with. I have struggled to find the </div> <div> good in people for far too long- only to discover there's nothing left there. </div> <div> And I do not have the urge or the time to try anymore. I bear none of you any </div> <div> animus, and maybe one day when things have changed we can speak again. Too </div> <div> many of you are misled.. walking down a path I want no part of. I have let </div> <div> myself be distracted for 5 years already from what really matters- it ends </div> <div> here and now, as will our acquaintance. I will not suffer with your mundane, </div> <div> drab, colorless lives and maimed views of the world anymore. You bore me- you </div> <div> have given up on meaningful interaction with the world- because it's too </div> <div> intense. You drown out the real world in drugs, alcohol, music, the gym, the </div> <div> bar, the club, sex, whatever you choose. The real world is a fact and it has </div> <div> to be dealt with! Being in denial will do nothing but leave you with nothing </div> <div> but A lifetime of failures and regrets. These things are all crutches- and </div> <div> you need to cast them off, and walk free. What happens when you can't fill </div> <div> the void one-day? What do you do when the pain is inescapable? I will pray </div> <div> for you. Your own hand accomplishes both the paths to salvation or damnation. </div> <div> It's only a matter of choice, and there is choice in everything we do on this </div> <div> planet. It's easy to choose to give up. It's easy to choose to not face </div> <div> things. It's easy to hurt other people. Don't you want to be part of </div> <div> something bigger than that? Haven't you ever wanted more out of life? A sense </div> <div> of peace, one that only comes from within? Cast off these weights of pretense </div> <div> and self-doubt. Let your mind fly free- cast it out into the world- or </div> <div> relinquish it to a lifetime of never being who you want- saying what you </div> <div> want- and doing what you want. I for one hope nothing but the best for </div> <div> everyone on this planet- as much as my mind has been pushed, I still will </div> <div> never give up the dream that there is potential in everyone to rise above the </div> <div> temptation to give up. To everyone I know now, and all those I have known but </div> <div> can't be around anymore, I plead with you to fight to save yourselves. Fight </div> <div> the good fight. Take pleasure in knowing yourself, and letting that make </div> <div> other people happy. Never give into the mental terrorism- cry- write- run- </div> <div> talk- but DEAL with it in a healthy way. Don't avoid it- don't let it hang </div> <div> over you like a storm cloud. Let the storm ride out in its own time- and </div> <div> enjoy the sunshine that follows. </div> <bR> <div> 6/7/01<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000080" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> This site is not to hurt, or inflict any pain towards ANYONE, by ANY MEANS...it is an expression of a little piece of me while being on Gay.com. I can say truthfully with no holds barred people are not perfect, including myself....but over the year I've discovered more, more about myself and the people that I have met, argued with, made peace with, and shared laughter, so much laughter......and even shed some tears with. It can make the friendship alot MORE including the joy and pain and even more....there is more out there inside the heart of these people and those I do not even know, maybe even you....but keep it all real, that's what counts.....</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Peace</div> <bR> <div> Indy</div> <bR> <bR> <div> </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Me"><U>About Me</U></A> | <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Hobbies"><U>My Hobbies</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>